resolution

In the past, I have made some pretty ridiculous and close to impossible resolutions for myself. This list includes: giving up sugar forever, doing my homework the second I get it, never spending money foolishly again, writing a friend everyday for a year, maintaining a perfectly clean house, and to pray, journal, read, meditate, or exercise everyday. The list goes on but I can say with confidence that I have broken each of these rules I established. 

The problem of course lies in the fact I am choosing to make a major lifestyle change for the reason that the year is changing, rather than a desire within me to change. I was making a declaration to change my life out of the need to follow tradition, and that never gets you too far. 

So this year, my goal of learning how to live a healthy life, in all areas of my life, has come out of a growing desire within me. No particular time of the year has spurred this on and therefore it feels organic and attainable. My resolution within myself feels stronger and therefore I have hope that this year will change something within my habits and choices. 

... And if at the end of the year I end up with a cleaner closet and kinder heart, so be it. 

gotta start somewhere...

I am a rule follower.

I get nervous, sweaty palms when I know I am doing something I might get in trouble for. I stay on the path Google Maps tells me to go. I follow recipes to the letter. I do not rip the tags of my bed and I read all directions before I start to play a game. I like rules. I like to know exactly what is happening and, specifically, if I am doing all the right things at a particular moment.

That being said, because I am so hyper-aware of making sure I am doing all the right things for other people, I often lose sight of what is the right thing for me. I think it comes from a fear of being labeled selfish or egotistical but the result has been that I am really very good at taking care of other people, but I am not as good at taking care of myself. I have very wise people in my life who have taught me and shown me that you can love other people the best when you are healthy first.

When you are flying you are instructed that in case the air-pressure in the cabin drops you are to put on your own mask before you help someone else. This is not a selfish thing, but rather, this is the wisdom of the airlines (did I just say that?! I don't think that is a sentence I have ever said before!) to know you can't help someone else breathe right if you are not breathing right first.

With all of this in mind, I have decided to make 2016 a year where I learn how to put on my own air mask with the hope of becoming healthy first and then using it to help other people. I want to learn what it means to develop a new set of healthy rules to live by. The concept of calling them rules works best for me as the nerdy little rule follower in me tells me to be, but really I am just trying to establish a new normal for myself in the hope that I can love and serve other people better at the end of the year than when I started. This blog will hopefully serve multiple purposes: a way to stay accountable to my journey, a way to encourage and engage other people in their journeys and to have fun and laugh along the way. I hope you join me.